We'll listen, and if you want, we'll talk. My mom never paid any attention to helping me grow as a person, only academically. I might delete later.It sucks balls what you're going through now!! My parents smothered me and made me focus only on studies.Friends were seen as a cute thing that kids do at school. !A mutually supportive community where deeply emotional things you can't tell people you know can be told. She would show up at the gate herself and walk me to the car park.
Yeahh! A crazy messy haired girl vacuuming a room and moaning sad stuff to herself.
I feel like I'll never be independent. Years of it all bottled up will make you a little crazy, but don't let it destroy who you are!
Hahahah, just kidding around right?? My mother is very academic focused and wants me to get a good job in another, more developed country right after I graduate.
I walked fast, laughed loudly, then grabbed the vacuum cleaner and went to clean my room. Girls have been known to be abducted and raped and even killed by older men they were seeing, when they go anywhere on their own.So I'm- I don't wanna give a lot of details about me but let's say I'm 20, living at home full time even tho I'm a uni student. My entire life has been very academics focused and I've never grown socially.
I didnt think it would be a big deal. !And once you're on your own, you have every right to cut your parents out of your life if they make you unhappy! Whenever I do, mom will start talking shit about how this country is dangerous for young girls. But it is past dinner time now so I should pretend to be normal and go downstairs. I've walked to a nearby shop myself a few times.I do try to bring up the subject of getting a licence/ travelling by myself a few times but never directly. bf, and he abducted, raped and killed her. Never went anywhere outside school with anyone that wasnt my family.It hurts that I missed so much shit. I have been trying to build up the courage to have a conversation about the whole thing, maybe aiming to start travelling by bus, or get my own licence??
I can bike around the streets where we live (it's a closed residential area). Forget travelling alone.The thing is?? I couldn't go to my friends houses because mom would say it was dangerous and "we cant let you go like that". I started laughing at myself at one point.
I set the vacuum down and turned it on and then I think I went crazy. Shes never going to fucking let me go anywhere. And in 20 minutes I'm gonna have to go down there for dinner.I just, I dont know, the reasons are gonna sound just so batshit insane, but well..Background - a south Asian country which is super strict and conservative and also pretty dangerous for women. You can work through this! Gah. Whether it's long-standing baggage, happy thoughts, or recent trauma, posting it here may provide some relief.
The most harmless shit, she would have trouble with. I really was. I'm very good at pretending anyway.Ugh I'm so sorry for dumping all this garbage on your heads, if anyone has read up to here, idk what to tell you, you are a saint.
How the fuck can I do that if I cant even be a little independent here?So the housing area where we live has a communal garbage dump site. !When we came home it was like I was high or something. She tutored me herself through school and made me get good results at all my exams. Maybe it is quite normal in this country to have parents like that and I'm overreacting. !Even if it has to wait till after university, you'll join clubs, and make friends! I never needed those. It shouldnt be so hard for me to just talk, but idk... years of being belittled and not trusted to be responsible and seen as someone who's only good academically and for nothing else....I mean, I was holding out hope. We went together to drop the bag off, and on the way I just kept ribbing her about "ha, do you think that car is gonna open its door right now and someone will pull us in?"
But I still dont know.
I do feel better now :)Oh and what you're feeling is frustration and anger.
But it was all by myself in my room and nobody knows I'm in anything but perfect shape. The dump site is inside the gated area.She was like "The world is so scary these days, I dont want you to go alone".I think a part of me just died. Till I was goddamn 17.And even today I'm being dropped off and picked up for uni.
I'm still not perfect and struggle to make my own decisions etc, but I'm learning everyday. This continued till the end of school. But I still dont know.
I'll never get away. I normally am pretty good with reminding myself that I'll have a better future, but then things like this happen which send me into a kind of spiral of "fuck it this is hopeless"But seriously, thank you so much for your kind words. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts
Trust me the opportunities that open up for you once you're through this are amazing and so worth living for!! She told me a story of a 17yo girl who'd gone into town to buy her school uniforms and used the time to meet her older(24?) I just acted super sarcastic and jokey about the whole thing. Well, we had a bag of trash to be dropped off today, and I volunteered to go drop it off while she made tea for my dad, who'd just come home. She said it was the girls parents fault for letting her go into town alone. All of this in a light jokey tone. Mom dropped me at school, took me to classes, picked me up. I was pretty much where you are now. And you'll get yourself a therapist to help you figure yourself out! I just needed to vent.Also please dont share this anywhere else? Hilarious.And then I took a shower.
Well, I took the pack out, started to unzip it, and then I was like "wtf are you doing? Edit: TW mentions of self harm, overprotective parentsThis is crazy and I dont even know if it makes any sense but I do need to get it off my chest so...I just spent the last hour on a sort of lunatic rampage because i was trying to get over something my mom said?? She said if something happened to me she'd be responsible.The insane fucking part?
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